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prose_alchemistTitle: Night-Riders (Part IV: Masks)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jordannamorgan
Archive Rights: Please request the author’s consent.
Rating/Warnings: G.
Characters: Ed, Al, and assorted original townsfolk.
Setting: General.
Summary: Another October finds Edward depressed—until the brothers get caught up in a family’s secret.
Disclaimer: They belong to Hiromu Arakawa. I’m just playing with them.
The next hour was enthusiastically spent in the work of planning and crafting, punctuated now and then by tryings-on of fanciful old clothes from the bottomless steamer trunk. For this year’s Night Ride, Jep and Fawn respectively adopted the characters named Toad and Imp, whose costumes needed only minor adjusting. Both children were skilled and creative, and a little thread and paint and glue was all they required for their side of the work.
Meanwhile, Ed utterly immersed himself in fashioning his newly-christened Scarecrow. He patched together ragged garments of charcoal-gray to wear under the cloak; then he broke apart the crossbar of the scarecrow’s old framework, made long ago from the stem of a crooked sapling. When pieces of its weathered wood were attached to the backs of the sleeves, it gave the effect of a creature that had come to life and snapped itself free of its pole in the field. He even decorated the seams and moth-eaten holes with bits of straw to suggest leaking scarecrow-stuffing.
As for Al’s own Headless Horseman disguise, they used the Maddocks’ surplus canvas to make a rough duplicate of Japheth’s costume. Once it was dyed black, it would be a passable imitation in the dark. They designed it to fit easily over his armor, covering him well enough to conceal any glimpse of steel beneath—but by unspoken agreement, they delayed working on the problem of the fiery-head gimmick. If it would involve the removal of his helmet, that was a job to do when the brothers were alone.
To Jep’s excitement, both Elrics used alchemy in the binding-together and coloring of material. However, Ed’s choice of methods was curiously out of character: after discreetly borrowing some chalk from Al, he proceeded to draw his transmutation circles in the conventional way, instead of simply clapping his hands.
This decision briefly puzzled Al, but the reasoning behind it quickly dawned on him. Jep was a very bright and observant boy with a particular interest in alchemy, and he would realize the ability to transmute without circles was unusual. Ed wanted to avoid the painful and unanswerable questions of how it was done, and where he had learned it, and if—Heaven forbid—Jep could learn to do it too. He couldn’t explain to a child the terrible cost of his talents.
So Al said nothing of the peculiarity, and merely enjoyed the evening of creative challenges and talk and laughter. Ed seemed to have entirely forgotten his seasonal moodiness, and that alone was a cause for joy. It delighted the younger Elric to see his brother absorbed in complexities of design and function that were not strictly a matter of alchemy.
All the same, subjects did arise that Al had not expected or wanted to face that night—yet they turned out rather differently than he might have feared.
The first such exchange came during a lull in the conversation, while Ed was arranging the pieces of the Scarecrow costume, and Al was in the process of alchemically binding together his Headless Horseman tunic. In the silence, Jep looked up from the fresh paint he was applying to his Toad mask, and furtively studied Ed for a long moment.
“Is it okay if I ask you something?” the boy finally ventured.
Roused from a deep concentration, Ed raised his head, giving Jep a faint smile. “Sure. What is it?”
“Well… you’ve got automail, haven’t you?”
The question caused Ed to glance at his right arm in surprise; having never taken off his jacket or gloves in the presence of the Maddocks, he must have thought his prosthetics had gone unnoticed. “How did you figure that out?”
Jep bowed his head slightly. “Our grandpa had automail too, after an accident with a mowing machine. As soon as he could walk again, the first thing he wanted to do was get back on his horse—but having that metal leg made him change his whole way of riding. And… the way you rode today…” He fidgeted and raised his eyes to Ed’s. “It kinda reminded me of him.”
For a moment Ed stared at Jep, with a mild consternation that slowly warmed into a sort of admiration. Then he smiled ruefully and slipped off his right glove, baring steel fingers that gleamed softly in the lamplight.
“The left leg, too… You really don’t miss much, do you?”
The boy shrugged, studying the metal hand interestedly—yet without giving the slightest sense that he was staring. “Don’t worry, I won’t ask how you got it, or anything nosy like that. I just thought you should know we’re cool with somebody having automail.” He gave Ed a somber smile. “We know how rough it is, from watching our Gramps deal with it.”
Ed’s expression softened abruptly, as it did at times when Al said something that particularly stirred his heart. His eyes were full of that look for just an instant; then he chuckled and reached out, tousling Jep’s hair with his automail hand. Jep did not shy away from that touch, but instead laughed and butted his head against Ed’s palm, just like a friendly cat.
Al hadn’t thought anything could make him like the Maddocks even more, but this kindness achieved exactly that.
Soon the atmosphere in the barn lapsed back into cheerful chatter, and at Jep’s urging, Ed related a few tales of adventures in State Alchemy. He was careful with his words, giving no hint of the pain he and Al had experienced on the road they traveled—and if he slightly embellished the facts in his favor now and then, his brother did not correct him. Just for tonight, Ed would be the brave and selfless Hero of the People that Jep wanted him to be, leaving aside the dark complexities and eternal frustrations of his own motives…
That is, until Jep innocently wandered into another heavy subject, when they had paused in their work for a snack of doughnuts and cider.
“You know, I’ve been wondering…” Jep began tentatively, his eyes downcast.
Fawn clearly read her brother well enough to know what on his mind, because she gave him a sharp, beleaguered glance. “Oh, here it comes—I knew you were gonna get around to this!”
Jep glared at her, and then looked hesitantly to Ed. “It’s just… I thought maybe you could talk to Mom and Dad, and convince them to let me start learning alchemy right away.”
An unsettled silence fell. Ed stopped chewing his mouthful of doughnut, and was very still for a long moment before he finally swallowed and sighed.
“To be honest with you, Jep… I’m not sure your parents are really wrong in wanting you to wait just a little longer.”
The boy frowned in dismay. “But why? I thought you of all people would think it’s good to learn as soon as you can. To be a State Alchemist already, you must have started when you were even younger than I am!”
“That’s true. I was a lot younger,” Ed answered gently. “I can hardly remember a time before I knew alchemy—but that’s exactly why I think you shouldn’t be in too much of a hurry.”
He hesitated then, and glanced at Al, almost as if searching for the answer to an unspoken question. Al failed for once to read his brother’s unspoken intent, and could only tilt his helmet uncertainly; but whether or not Ed took that for an answer, he seemed at last to reach a decision on his own. His thoughtful expression darkened a little, and his gaze swung back to Jep.
And Al keenly noticed the way Brother’s left hand moved to his right wrist, gripping it in the furtive, bitter way that made the younger Elric’s soul hurt every time he saw it.
“It meant a lot to me that you didn’t ask why I have automail… but I’m going to tell you anyway, so maybe you’ll understand what I’m trying to say.” Ed dropped his gaze to the flesh fingers clasped tightly against metal, and took a deep, unsteady breath.
“You see, the way I lost my arm and leg… It was because I misused alchemy.”
The children flinched. Jep’s eyes widened, and although Fawn plainly knew far less about the subject, she gave a faint little gasp of fear.
As for Al, had he physically possessed a heart, he knew it would have squeezed painfully at Ed’s words. What ached most of all was the way Ed left him out of the confession. Brother was shielding him, as he always did; but just this once, when Al felt certain they had nothing to fear from their young companions, he wasn’t going to let Ed take the responsibility alone.
Reaching out, he laid his gauntlet on Ed’s shoulder, with a firm shake of his helmet. “We misused alchemy, Brother—both of us.”
Predictably, Al’s inclusion of himself caused Ed to look aggrieved, but it was the children’s reactions that were more important. Jep and Fawn’s startled eyes shifted from the older Elric to the younger, taking in his metal shell with the beginnings of a new comprehension.
“Then… that’s the real reason you wear that armor, isn’t it?” Jep’s voice was faint, and it trembled a little.
“Yeah,” Al murmured flatly. He knew better than to offer anything beyond that mere confirmation. Jep would draw his own conclusions about what crippling scars might lurk beneath the steel, and that was better for him than to know the hollow truth.
“But—how? What did you do to make this happen to you?”
“The details don’t matter,” Ed cut in brusquely, staring down at his clenched automail fist. Then he seemed to remember who he was talking to, and he relaxed the hand, softening his voice. “All that matters is that we broke the rules—we tried to do more than we were capable of, and we were too young to understand the cost. We thought we could fix anything with alchemy. But if we’d only spent a little more time learning how to take life as it is, instead of looking for transmutations to change it… then maybe we never would have hurt ourselves like this.”
The familiar, futile urge for tears stirred in Al’s soul. How well he knew what Ed was feeling. All those years ago, they both should have tried to cope with their mother’s death in a normal, healthy way, instead of seeking to simply transmute away their pain. The fact they had never really learned to approach life without alchemy was their own failure, and ultimately, it was what brought them to their present brokenness. He could understand why Ed would want to make sure that never happened to Jep.
To his credit, Jep didn’t freak out over the admission. He took it all in quietly, studying Ed’s shamefully averted face, his fisted metal hand, and finally Al’s own heavy burden of armor.
“But after all that… you’re still alchemists,” Jep observed, in one of his peculiar flashes of perceptiveness. “You still went on to use alchemy to help other people.”
Ed raised his head, and although there was a tightness around his eyes, Al was relieved to see a wan smile cross his lips.
“If you trip and put your eye out when you’re running with scissors, it isn’t the scissors’ fault… and basically, alchemy is just a tool in the same way. How responsibly we use it is our choice. We can’t blame it for the fact we were stupid.” Ed ducked his head slightly, perhaps a little chagrined by the emotions he had exposed in the last few minutes. “And I didn’t mean to scare you, Jep. Even after the mistakes we made, I still think alchemy is the best thing there is—and I know you’ll be a great alchemist someday. I just… I think it’s not a bad thing to take the time to know more in life, before you start down that road.”
For a long moment, Jep digested Ed’s words. At last he nodded very slowly.
“I think I understand… and after what happened to Gramps right here on our farm, I know almost any work can be dangerous, if you have an accident or do something wrong. I never thought about it, but I guess I can see how that would be true in alchemy, too.” He smiled thinly at Ed. “I’ll remember, and I’ll try to be patient—and when I do start to learn, I promise I’ll study as hard as it takes to be sure I do it right.”
For a brief moment Brother’s eyes were misty, his face caught in an expression that was somehow guilty and apologetic and glad all at once, and Al shared that feeling. It had been a difficult conversation to have, but in the end, he thought Ed was right to share this lesson with their young friend.
Then it all passed when Ed cleared his throat and slapped his hands together briskly, giving Jep a new and warmer smile. “Well, anyway, a little practice wouldn’t hurt just once. You can help me with this next transmutation… if you want to.”
Jep’s face lit up with startled eagerness. “Oh, sure I do!”
For the next few minutes, Al could have sworn he could sense a warmth inside him, as he observed his brother and Jep. He watched Jep’s eyes fiercely absorbing every detail of the array Ed traced; he watched them press their hands to the circle together, and he watched Jep’s glow of barely-contained excitement, as the boy saw and felt the energy coruscating over the transmuted fabric.
But Al could see through it all. Those intricate lines Brother drew were in fact alchemically meaningless, and that idle clap of his hands was not the casual gesture it had seemed. The transmutation was purely Ed’s doing, because he would never have let a child with no experience handle alchemic power just yet… but the harmless ruse gave Jep the thrill of his life.
It was late in the evening when Jep and Fawn finished the alterations to their costumes. The Elric brothers’ disguises still required a little more work, but there would be plenty of time for final touches in the morning—except for one thing.
“Maybe you two should get some sleep,” Edward prompted the Maddock children gently, as they stood admiring their finished handiwork that lay spread on top of the steamer trunk. “We’ll come back to the house in a little bit… after we work on the Horseman’s head.”
After the Elrics’ earlier revelations, both children readily seemed to take the hint.
“Oh—I get it.” Fawn eyed Al speculatively, and then seized her brother’s arm. “Come on, Jep. We’ve gotta help Mom get things ready for the Festival tomorrow, anyway.”
“See you later!” Jep yelped, just barely managing to give Ed and Al a wave before Fawn dragged him out of the barn.
Ed chuckled, watching the pair until the door swung shut behind them; and then he turned toward Al. “Now we’d better—oop!” He grunted as he suddenly found himself crushed in a steel-trap bear-hug of armor.
“You’re the best brother ever,” Al gushed, nuzzling the cheek of his helmet against the top of Ed’s head. “And you know what? I think you still would be even if you were somebody else’s brother.”
Metal scraped as a bewildered Ed used his automail arm to pry some breathing space between them. “What’re you talking about?”
“You know what! I saw what you did with Jep.” Unable to show his brother the smile he felt on the inside, Al settled for trying to put it into his voice instead. “You made him so happy when you let him think he was helping you do alchemy.”
“Oh. That.” Ed finally managed to squirm out of Al’s grip—if only because his metal-plated sibling let him go. “I was afraid I’d overdone it, and I wanted to make sure Jep wasn’t scared away from alchemy by all the things I said. I just…” He gazed down somberly at his automail hand. “I want him to be smarter than we were. To never give in to the same temptations.”
“He’ll be fine, Brother,” Al replied—and then he paused mischievously. “At least, he will if he’s got somebody besides you for a role model…”
“Thanks a lot.” Ed rolled his eyes, turning to rummage for scrap metal in the piles of old junk that surrounded them. “Come on, we’d better work on that rig for the Horseman’s head before Jep’s curiosity gets too much for him, and he comes peeking through knotholes. It’s enough to have you playing a ghost—we don’t need him thinking you really are one.”
The remark unexpectedly cut far too close to Al’s private insecurities, and he radiated the sudden sense of a frown as he rose from his knees. “I don’t think that’s funny at all.”
Perhaps it was something in his tone that caught Ed’s attention. The older Elric turned, with a slightly penitent, uncertain look.
“About that, Al. Are you really okay with all this? I know I was pushy about it yesterday…”
He sounded so concerned that Al’s displeasure evaporated at once, and his voice warmed again. “I’m glad you pushed me into it, Brother. I am nervous, but I’m also kind of excited. It’s been a lot of fun so far—and I’m happy you’re having fun too.”
“I guess I am!” Seeming almost surprised by that realization, Ed smiled weakly and shrugged. “It’s… nice to have something different to think about right now.”
“Yeah. I know,” Al murmured, absently examining an old vase full of dusty silk flowers. After a long moment of hesitation, he added, “I only wish… I wish I could sleep through these nights. I don’t want to think so much.”
It wasn’t really what Al intended, but the remark triggered Ed’s worry mode all over again. He rounded on Al, dropping the cast-iron frying pan he had been inspecting. “Al, what’s really on your mind? Tell me.”
“You’ll laugh.”
“No I won’t.” Ed stepped closer, his golden eyes futilely searching Al’s expressionless metal features. “If something is bothering you, I want to know about it. I don’t want us to go through with this silly stunt if—”
“Oh no, it’s not about the Night Ride!” Al said quickly. “It’s only… ghost stories make me wonder some things. About what a soul is after all, if it doesn’t have a body anymore. About…” He hesitated a little shamefully, dropping his gaze. “About me.”
He glanced up in time to see the understanding that filled his brother’s expression. Far from the impatient scoffing Al had feared, Ed only smiled sadly and shook his head.
“You’re not a ghost, Al. Don’t you think I ought to know?” He raised his automail fist, and the steel knuckles tapped Al’s chestplate with a soft ringing sound. “I know what it is I paid for—and it wasn’t the soul of a brother who was dead, or ever had been. You’re alive. Believe that.”
And it was just that simple: with those fierce, gentle words, and the expression he saw in Ed’s eyes, every trace of Al’s doubt drained away. He impulsively clasped the hand that still rested on his chestplate, leather fingers pressing steel to steel.
“Thank you, Brother.” For not laughing. For the reassurance. For the sacrifice of flesh and blood, and the fathomless love that had motivated it. For everything.
Ed’s shoulders moved slightly, awkwardly, not quite a shrug; as if to say he had already surpassed his quota of sentiment for the day, and he didn’t want another scene. With a feeble grin, he withdrew his hand, and turned to continue picking through the wealth of alchemically useful materials around them.
That was Brother: he found equations so much easier to deal with than emotions.
Feeling a faint glow of loving happiness, Al moved to his side, to join him in the exploration. Everything was alright now, and whatever lunacy took place in the next twenty-four hours, it would be worth it—because Ed had not been the only one to find comfort in the course of this odd fancy, after all.
© 2010 Jordanna Morgan
Chapters: 1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6 ::
Author:
jordannamorganArchive Rights: Please request the author’s consent.
Rating/Warnings: G.
Characters: Ed, Al, and assorted original townsfolk.
Setting: General.
Summary: Another October finds Edward depressed—until the brothers get caught up in a family’s secret.
Disclaimer: They belong to Hiromu Arakawa. I’m just playing with them.
The next hour was enthusiastically spent in the work of planning and crafting, punctuated now and then by tryings-on of fanciful old clothes from the bottomless steamer trunk. For this year’s Night Ride, Jep and Fawn respectively adopted the characters named Toad and Imp, whose costumes needed only minor adjusting. Both children were skilled and creative, and a little thread and paint and glue was all they required for their side of the work.
Meanwhile, Ed utterly immersed himself in fashioning his newly-christened Scarecrow. He patched together ragged garments of charcoal-gray to wear under the cloak; then he broke apart the crossbar of the scarecrow’s old framework, made long ago from the stem of a crooked sapling. When pieces of its weathered wood were attached to the backs of the sleeves, it gave the effect of a creature that had come to life and snapped itself free of its pole in the field. He even decorated the seams and moth-eaten holes with bits of straw to suggest leaking scarecrow-stuffing.
As for Al’s own Headless Horseman disguise, they used the Maddocks’ surplus canvas to make a rough duplicate of Japheth’s costume. Once it was dyed black, it would be a passable imitation in the dark. They designed it to fit easily over his armor, covering him well enough to conceal any glimpse of steel beneath—but by unspoken agreement, they delayed working on the problem of the fiery-head gimmick. If it would involve the removal of his helmet, that was a job to do when the brothers were alone.
To Jep’s excitement, both Elrics used alchemy in the binding-together and coloring of material. However, Ed’s choice of methods was curiously out of character: after discreetly borrowing some chalk from Al, he proceeded to draw his transmutation circles in the conventional way, instead of simply clapping his hands.
This decision briefly puzzled Al, but the reasoning behind it quickly dawned on him. Jep was a very bright and observant boy with a particular interest in alchemy, and he would realize the ability to transmute without circles was unusual. Ed wanted to avoid the painful and unanswerable questions of how it was done, and where he had learned it, and if—Heaven forbid—Jep could learn to do it too. He couldn’t explain to a child the terrible cost of his talents.
So Al said nothing of the peculiarity, and merely enjoyed the evening of creative challenges and talk and laughter. Ed seemed to have entirely forgotten his seasonal moodiness, and that alone was a cause for joy. It delighted the younger Elric to see his brother absorbed in complexities of design and function that were not strictly a matter of alchemy.
All the same, subjects did arise that Al had not expected or wanted to face that night—yet they turned out rather differently than he might have feared.
The first such exchange came during a lull in the conversation, while Ed was arranging the pieces of the Scarecrow costume, and Al was in the process of alchemically binding together his Headless Horseman tunic. In the silence, Jep looked up from the fresh paint he was applying to his Toad mask, and furtively studied Ed for a long moment.
“Is it okay if I ask you something?” the boy finally ventured.
Roused from a deep concentration, Ed raised his head, giving Jep a faint smile. “Sure. What is it?”
“Well… you’ve got automail, haven’t you?”
The question caused Ed to glance at his right arm in surprise; having never taken off his jacket or gloves in the presence of the Maddocks, he must have thought his prosthetics had gone unnoticed. “How did you figure that out?”
Jep bowed his head slightly. “Our grandpa had automail too, after an accident with a mowing machine. As soon as he could walk again, the first thing he wanted to do was get back on his horse—but having that metal leg made him change his whole way of riding. And… the way you rode today…” He fidgeted and raised his eyes to Ed’s. “It kinda reminded me of him.”
For a moment Ed stared at Jep, with a mild consternation that slowly warmed into a sort of admiration. Then he smiled ruefully and slipped off his right glove, baring steel fingers that gleamed softly in the lamplight.
“The left leg, too… You really don’t miss much, do you?”
The boy shrugged, studying the metal hand interestedly—yet without giving the slightest sense that he was staring. “Don’t worry, I won’t ask how you got it, or anything nosy like that. I just thought you should know we’re cool with somebody having automail.” He gave Ed a somber smile. “We know how rough it is, from watching our Gramps deal with it.”
Ed’s expression softened abruptly, as it did at times when Al said something that particularly stirred his heart. His eyes were full of that look for just an instant; then he chuckled and reached out, tousling Jep’s hair with his automail hand. Jep did not shy away from that touch, but instead laughed and butted his head against Ed’s palm, just like a friendly cat.
Al hadn’t thought anything could make him like the Maddocks even more, but this kindness achieved exactly that.
Soon the atmosphere in the barn lapsed back into cheerful chatter, and at Jep’s urging, Ed related a few tales of adventures in State Alchemy. He was careful with his words, giving no hint of the pain he and Al had experienced on the road they traveled—and if he slightly embellished the facts in his favor now and then, his brother did not correct him. Just for tonight, Ed would be the brave and selfless Hero of the People that Jep wanted him to be, leaving aside the dark complexities and eternal frustrations of his own motives…
That is, until Jep innocently wandered into another heavy subject, when they had paused in their work for a snack of doughnuts and cider.
“You know, I’ve been wondering…” Jep began tentatively, his eyes downcast.
Fawn clearly read her brother well enough to know what on his mind, because she gave him a sharp, beleaguered glance. “Oh, here it comes—I knew you were gonna get around to this!”
Jep glared at her, and then looked hesitantly to Ed. “It’s just… I thought maybe you could talk to Mom and Dad, and convince them to let me start learning alchemy right away.”
An unsettled silence fell. Ed stopped chewing his mouthful of doughnut, and was very still for a long moment before he finally swallowed and sighed.
“To be honest with you, Jep… I’m not sure your parents are really wrong in wanting you to wait just a little longer.”
The boy frowned in dismay. “But why? I thought you of all people would think it’s good to learn as soon as you can. To be a State Alchemist already, you must have started when you were even younger than I am!”
“That’s true. I was a lot younger,” Ed answered gently. “I can hardly remember a time before I knew alchemy—but that’s exactly why I think you shouldn’t be in too much of a hurry.”
He hesitated then, and glanced at Al, almost as if searching for the answer to an unspoken question. Al failed for once to read his brother’s unspoken intent, and could only tilt his helmet uncertainly; but whether or not Ed took that for an answer, he seemed at last to reach a decision on his own. His thoughtful expression darkened a little, and his gaze swung back to Jep.
And Al keenly noticed the way Brother’s left hand moved to his right wrist, gripping it in the furtive, bitter way that made the younger Elric’s soul hurt every time he saw it.
“It meant a lot to me that you didn’t ask why I have automail… but I’m going to tell you anyway, so maybe you’ll understand what I’m trying to say.” Ed dropped his gaze to the flesh fingers clasped tightly against metal, and took a deep, unsteady breath.
“You see, the way I lost my arm and leg… It was because I misused alchemy.”
The children flinched. Jep’s eyes widened, and although Fawn plainly knew far less about the subject, she gave a faint little gasp of fear.
As for Al, had he physically possessed a heart, he knew it would have squeezed painfully at Ed’s words. What ached most of all was the way Ed left him out of the confession. Brother was shielding him, as he always did; but just this once, when Al felt certain they had nothing to fear from their young companions, he wasn’t going to let Ed take the responsibility alone.
Reaching out, he laid his gauntlet on Ed’s shoulder, with a firm shake of his helmet. “We misused alchemy, Brother—both of us.”
Predictably, Al’s inclusion of himself caused Ed to look aggrieved, but it was the children’s reactions that were more important. Jep and Fawn’s startled eyes shifted from the older Elric to the younger, taking in his metal shell with the beginnings of a new comprehension.
“Then… that’s the real reason you wear that armor, isn’t it?” Jep’s voice was faint, and it trembled a little.
“Yeah,” Al murmured flatly. He knew better than to offer anything beyond that mere confirmation. Jep would draw his own conclusions about what crippling scars might lurk beneath the steel, and that was better for him than to know the hollow truth.
“But—how? What did you do to make this happen to you?”
“The details don’t matter,” Ed cut in brusquely, staring down at his clenched automail fist. Then he seemed to remember who he was talking to, and he relaxed the hand, softening his voice. “All that matters is that we broke the rules—we tried to do more than we were capable of, and we were too young to understand the cost. We thought we could fix anything with alchemy. But if we’d only spent a little more time learning how to take life as it is, instead of looking for transmutations to change it… then maybe we never would have hurt ourselves like this.”
The familiar, futile urge for tears stirred in Al’s soul. How well he knew what Ed was feeling. All those years ago, they both should have tried to cope with their mother’s death in a normal, healthy way, instead of seeking to simply transmute away their pain. The fact they had never really learned to approach life without alchemy was their own failure, and ultimately, it was what brought them to their present brokenness. He could understand why Ed would want to make sure that never happened to Jep.
To his credit, Jep didn’t freak out over the admission. He took it all in quietly, studying Ed’s shamefully averted face, his fisted metal hand, and finally Al’s own heavy burden of armor.
“But after all that… you’re still alchemists,” Jep observed, in one of his peculiar flashes of perceptiveness. “You still went on to use alchemy to help other people.”
Ed raised his head, and although there was a tightness around his eyes, Al was relieved to see a wan smile cross his lips.
“If you trip and put your eye out when you’re running with scissors, it isn’t the scissors’ fault… and basically, alchemy is just a tool in the same way. How responsibly we use it is our choice. We can’t blame it for the fact we were stupid.” Ed ducked his head slightly, perhaps a little chagrined by the emotions he had exposed in the last few minutes. “And I didn’t mean to scare you, Jep. Even after the mistakes we made, I still think alchemy is the best thing there is—and I know you’ll be a great alchemist someday. I just… I think it’s not a bad thing to take the time to know more in life, before you start down that road.”
For a long moment, Jep digested Ed’s words. At last he nodded very slowly.
“I think I understand… and after what happened to Gramps right here on our farm, I know almost any work can be dangerous, if you have an accident or do something wrong. I never thought about it, but I guess I can see how that would be true in alchemy, too.” He smiled thinly at Ed. “I’ll remember, and I’ll try to be patient—and when I do start to learn, I promise I’ll study as hard as it takes to be sure I do it right.”
For a brief moment Brother’s eyes were misty, his face caught in an expression that was somehow guilty and apologetic and glad all at once, and Al shared that feeling. It had been a difficult conversation to have, but in the end, he thought Ed was right to share this lesson with their young friend.
Then it all passed when Ed cleared his throat and slapped his hands together briskly, giving Jep a new and warmer smile. “Well, anyway, a little practice wouldn’t hurt just once. You can help me with this next transmutation… if you want to.”
Jep’s face lit up with startled eagerness. “Oh, sure I do!”
For the next few minutes, Al could have sworn he could sense a warmth inside him, as he observed his brother and Jep. He watched Jep’s eyes fiercely absorbing every detail of the array Ed traced; he watched them press their hands to the circle together, and he watched Jep’s glow of barely-contained excitement, as the boy saw and felt the energy coruscating over the transmuted fabric.
But Al could see through it all. Those intricate lines Brother drew were in fact alchemically meaningless, and that idle clap of his hands was not the casual gesture it had seemed. The transmutation was purely Ed’s doing, because he would never have let a child with no experience handle alchemic power just yet… but the harmless ruse gave Jep the thrill of his life.
It was late in the evening when Jep and Fawn finished the alterations to their costumes. The Elric brothers’ disguises still required a little more work, but there would be plenty of time for final touches in the morning—except for one thing.
“Maybe you two should get some sleep,” Edward prompted the Maddock children gently, as they stood admiring their finished handiwork that lay spread on top of the steamer trunk. “We’ll come back to the house in a little bit… after we work on the Horseman’s head.”
After the Elrics’ earlier revelations, both children readily seemed to take the hint.
“Oh—I get it.” Fawn eyed Al speculatively, and then seized her brother’s arm. “Come on, Jep. We’ve gotta help Mom get things ready for the Festival tomorrow, anyway.”
“See you later!” Jep yelped, just barely managing to give Ed and Al a wave before Fawn dragged him out of the barn.
Ed chuckled, watching the pair until the door swung shut behind them; and then he turned toward Al. “Now we’d better—oop!” He grunted as he suddenly found himself crushed in a steel-trap bear-hug of armor.
“You’re the best brother ever,” Al gushed, nuzzling the cheek of his helmet against the top of Ed’s head. “And you know what? I think you still would be even if you were somebody else’s brother.”
Metal scraped as a bewildered Ed used his automail arm to pry some breathing space between them. “What’re you talking about?”
“You know what! I saw what you did with Jep.” Unable to show his brother the smile he felt on the inside, Al settled for trying to put it into his voice instead. “You made him so happy when you let him think he was helping you do alchemy.”
“Oh. That.” Ed finally managed to squirm out of Al’s grip—if only because his metal-plated sibling let him go. “I was afraid I’d overdone it, and I wanted to make sure Jep wasn’t scared away from alchemy by all the things I said. I just…” He gazed down somberly at his automail hand. “I want him to be smarter than we were. To never give in to the same temptations.”
“He’ll be fine, Brother,” Al replied—and then he paused mischievously. “At least, he will if he’s got somebody besides you for a role model…”
“Thanks a lot.” Ed rolled his eyes, turning to rummage for scrap metal in the piles of old junk that surrounded them. “Come on, we’d better work on that rig for the Horseman’s head before Jep’s curiosity gets too much for him, and he comes peeking through knotholes. It’s enough to have you playing a ghost—we don’t need him thinking you really are one.”
The remark unexpectedly cut far too close to Al’s private insecurities, and he radiated the sudden sense of a frown as he rose from his knees. “I don’t think that’s funny at all.”
Perhaps it was something in his tone that caught Ed’s attention. The older Elric turned, with a slightly penitent, uncertain look.
“About that, Al. Are you really okay with all this? I know I was pushy about it yesterday…”
He sounded so concerned that Al’s displeasure evaporated at once, and his voice warmed again. “I’m glad you pushed me into it, Brother. I am nervous, but I’m also kind of excited. It’s been a lot of fun so far—and I’m happy you’re having fun too.”
“I guess I am!” Seeming almost surprised by that realization, Ed smiled weakly and shrugged. “It’s… nice to have something different to think about right now.”
“Yeah. I know,” Al murmured, absently examining an old vase full of dusty silk flowers. After a long moment of hesitation, he added, “I only wish… I wish I could sleep through these nights. I don’t want to think so much.”
It wasn’t really what Al intended, but the remark triggered Ed’s worry mode all over again. He rounded on Al, dropping the cast-iron frying pan he had been inspecting. “Al, what’s really on your mind? Tell me.”
“You’ll laugh.”
“No I won’t.” Ed stepped closer, his golden eyes futilely searching Al’s expressionless metal features. “If something is bothering you, I want to know about it. I don’t want us to go through with this silly stunt if—”
“Oh no, it’s not about the Night Ride!” Al said quickly. “It’s only… ghost stories make me wonder some things. About what a soul is after all, if it doesn’t have a body anymore. About…” He hesitated a little shamefully, dropping his gaze. “About me.”
He glanced up in time to see the understanding that filled his brother’s expression. Far from the impatient scoffing Al had feared, Ed only smiled sadly and shook his head.
“You’re not a ghost, Al. Don’t you think I ought to know?” He raised his automail fist, and the steel knuckles tapped Al’s chestplate with a soft ringing sound. “I know what it is I paid for—and it wasn’t the soul of a brother who was dead, or ever had been. You’re alive. Believe that.”
And it was just that simple: with those fierce, gentle words, and the expression he saw in Ed’s eyes, every trace of Al’s doubt drained away. He impulsively clasped the hand that still rested on his chestplate, leather fingers pressing steel to steel.
“Thank you, Brother.” For not laughing. For the reassurance. For the sacrifice of flesh and blood, and the fathomless love that had motivated it. For everything.
Ed’s shoulders moved slightly, awkwardly, not quite a shrug; as if to say he had already surpassed his quota of sentiment for the day, and he didn’t want another scene. With a feeble grin, he withdrew his hand, and turned to continue picking through the wealth of alchemically useful materials around them.
That was Brother: he found equations so much easier to deal with than emotions.
Feeling a faint glow of loving happiness, Al moved to his side, to join him in the exploration. Everything was alright now, and whatever lunacy took place in the next twenty-four hours, it would be worth it—because Ed had not been the only one to find comfort in the course of this odd fancy, after all.
© 2010 Jordanna Morgan
Chapters: 1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6 ::
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Date: 2012-02-04 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-04 11:39 am (UTC)